Like I did not have enough stress sources in my life, Niantic added another one: Pokemon GO. Sure, I was not forced by the state of Geneva, I was not emotionally blackmailed by mom, I was not asked by my boss to “get to it fast”. It is true it was my own decision. Based on the fact it was ticking 3 very important aspects: adventurous, competitive, trendy. I’m there. At the beginning it was fun, but then things got ugly. At first I found pokemons (do you put an “s” in plural?!?!?) very cute, adorable I’d say. Soon enough it turned out that these little creatures were nothing but the virtual reality incarnation of another big challenge: MEN. Pokemon are like men. OR… are Pokemon actually Men?
10 REASONS WHY POKEMON ARE (LIKE) MEN
The good kind is very hard to find.
The useless kind is the most popular. They are everywhere. Rats, snakes and pigeons are just around the corner. But who wants these? OK maybe you play with a few of them at the beginning, but very fast you realize they are no good. They are very basic, weak. Instead the Valporeons and the Arcanines of this world are impossible to find.
You are always after the bad boys.
Everybody goes after the strong ones, the ones that look very bad, very mean. The ones that are capable of trouble, that can cause damage. Nobody is running after the sensitive ones. The meaner, the better.
Even if you catch them, they can escape.
And most importantly, if they are the escaping kind, forget about it. They will keep doing that. Escaping. Cheating. You will spend all your energy to seduce them and oops there they go again… Some will get you to waste all your belongings for them.
And some they can disappear just like that. Forever.
You catch them. They escape. You catch them again. They escape again. And this keep happening. And you insist. You are like “this bastard will be mine, one way or another”. And suddenly puff and off they go. Forever. They disappear into the smoke.
Sooner or later you need to evolve them or upgrade them.
And it does take a lot of Stardust and lots of candies. Not an easy job. It is an investment indeed. But then you keep them for life. But be careful: not all of them are able to evolve. And even if some of them evolve, still they remain basic and weak.
They respond to incense.
Yes, your perfume can do the magic and bring them close to you faster, instead of you walking all over city to find them. But do not overdo it, girls and boys. It is summer. Go light…
They revive fast. Very fast.
No matter the damage they have suffered, they get back on their feet very fast. Just a couple of shots and they are up and going, ready for new fights and adventures.
They all hang out at the popular spots: squares, parks, etc.
They are predictable (you can guess where to find them), they like the crowds (to see and be seen), they like company (they are many together).
They eat up all your phone battery very fast.
Either stalking them around or interacting with them. Eventually the phone is all about them…
It’s all about the Gym!
Gym is their ultimate destination. To train, to compete, for the prestige.